Where Does Darkness Live?

Have you ever wondered what it feels like to stand on the edge of a 6-story building, as lines of cars zoom by, hurriedly driving to their destination? How does it feel to sniff the humid air as it enters your lungs, cleaning your nose… and drawing your last breath? How does it feel as your body descends towards the hard concrete ground, and before you even know it, a 5-ton car drives over and crushes your skull?

Yet, that is only one of many forms of emotional darkness. Yet, have we really got a unanimous idea of what that darkness means? It could be the loneliness a single mother feels as she toils her way through her youth to feed her children, or it could be the soul-sucking life of a rich investment banker who lives off lust, so much so that he technically has nothing at all. Darkness is probably subjective, and it is hypocritical. Scientifically speaking, the definition of darkness is the absence of light, but I do not think this is the case philosophically. So, what makes people feel sad, to feel burned, to feel hated, or to feel like there is nothing better than the sweet (or bitter) release of death? To answer that, we must explore where it “lives”. 

As a society, we’ve unconsciously built a system of rules, relationships, consequences, and expectations. No one has an inherent role, but they are expected to fulfill certain traits and behaviors. Communities and cultures perceive people who are able to meet their expectations, perform well under stress, and plan for the future without much discomfort. However, the problem that emerges is the fact that it is literally impossible to become this model member of society. One must be allowed space to grow, make mistakes, and figure out who they even are. For example, most cultures teach young men that they must be strong and stoic, while telling women that they must be submissive, quiet, and “demure”. Humans will always choose to live in a world of organized delusion rather than to accept the fact that much of everything that happens is a collection of rational decisions, bunched up and interconnected, so much so that they become irrational. We love to put people into boxes, groups, and attempt (rather foolishly) to predict who and what should happen. Although these practices may look beneficial to protecting a society at the start, they raise serious issues when said society develops capabilities to communicate, share information, and access swathes of information at the command of their fingertips. With the advent of social media, we are able to compare ourselves to almost anyone with an Instagram account. This constant comparison has always existed in human society, but it has never deteriorated to such a level. With near-instant communication quickly becoming the norm in how we interact with each other, each individual is given less time away from a connected society, less time to reflect on who they are, and less time to process events that might have significantly impacted them. 

However, most of our internal suffering is often caused by our own perceptions. I think a large number of suicidal people choose to die not only because other people are unhappy with themselves, but also because they are ultimately also dissatisfied with who they are. Who in the world would be so sad because other people don’t like them, if they don’t tie their value to how said people see them? 

Losing a loved one stings especially badly because our minds cannot cope with the fact that a norm - a state in life that we have relied on for quite a while has now ceased to exist, and can never be replicated once again. We don’t actually miss our loved ones, but rather the memories and feelings we receive when blessed with their presence. 

Hating another human being is a fascinating form of darkness, not just because it is turned outwards on others, but often because the haters carry an emotional burden that has not been released. I don’t care what you, dear readers, say, all forms of authentic hatred, the wish that another human being would not exist in the way that they do, will always originate from some form of self-dissatisfaction. Whether it’s hating yourself, or because you cannot live up to the successes that you have achieved. This is why it’s common to hear ex- neo nazis talk about how they were insecure and vulnerable enough to become indoctrinated in an ideology of antisemetism and the genuine wish for another group of people to have never lived. 

What about playing the listener? Being allowed to immerse yourself in another person’s suffering, despair, and insecurity but completely blocked from intervening or helping them yourself? That’s also darkness. 

The attempt to numb out the pain, whether by substance abuse, addiction, getting high off risky choices, or simply ignoring the suffering of one’s inner self, is an attempt to drown out the feelings we are cursed with without actually confronting our demons. Alcoholics, drug addicts, and chronic gamblers are not necessarily weak people, but rather people who choose to douse out the flames in their conscience momentarily, rather than to face the longer, more punishing reality of dealing with sadness and despair. 

Emotional darkness does not exist. It’s all a fantasy, but the effects and consequences of this phantom carry on to real-world consequences that drive human nature. Through all the examples that have been explored, it is still incredibly hard to pinpoint where exactly darkness lives; it’s probably impossible to do so. However, we do know that in all these instances, our conscience and perception play a role in driving our despair. You may choose to decide for yourself where darkness lives, but I would say that darkness lives in our minds, our memories, and our actions.